I don’t know that I’ve ever been this angry in my life.  In fact I know I haven’t.  Just in general, I’m so angry about a million different things, (and it seems like I find more every ten seconds) and coupled with a sense of helplessness about most of them, the result is only a very deep simmerring frustration.  Mostly, almost entirely, with people.  It’s becoming impossible not to hate people, and among people, myself.  If you’d have asked me five years ago what I thought I’d be struggling with now, anger would have been at the bottom of the list.  But just suffice it to say you should all be glad that I’m not at a nuclear control panel right now.  I’d sure love to expound on the many reasons for this, but it really wouldn’t be encouraging to the few people I suspect may still peruse this site from time to time.  And besides, I don’t have any access to said control panel.  So most of you can rest easy tonight.  Most of you.  >:0

When I was
a young boy,
my Father took me into the city
to see a marching band.

He said “Son when
you grow up
will you be
the savior of the broken,
the beaten, and the damned?”

He said “Will you
defeat them,
your demons
and all the non-believers,
the plans that they have made?

Because one day
I’ll leave you
a phantom
to lead you in the summer,
to join the black parade.”

Sometimes I get the feeling
he’s watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.

When through it all,
the rise and fall,
the bodies’ in the streets,
and when you’re gone we want you all to know.

We’ll Carry on,
We’ll Carry on,
and though you say you don’t believe
Your memory will carry on,
we’ll carry on,
until my heart I can’t contain it,
the anthem wont explain it.

A world that sends you reeling
from decimated dreams.
Your misery and hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back,
lets shout it loud and clear.
Defiant to the end we hear the call

to carry on.
We’ll carry on,
and though youre dead and gone believe me
Your memory will
carry on.
we’ll carry on
and though you’re broken and defeated,
your weary widow marches…

…on and on we carry through the fears.

Disappointed faces of your peers.

take a look at me,
’cause I could not care at all—

Do or die,
you’ll never make me.
Because the world,
will never take my heart.
You can try,
you’ll never break me.
You want it all, you wanna play this part.

Won’t explain, or say I’m sorry.
Im not ashamed, I’m gonna show my scar.
You’re the chair, for all the broken.
Lose it here, because it’s only.

I’m just a man, I’m not a hero.
Just a boy, i wanna sing this song.
Just a man, I’m not a hero.
I don’t care

Welcome to the Black Parade ~My Chemical Romance


…And just in case any of you are still reading rather than running for a tissue after that song, I guess I should try to write something interesting.  Been a while since I attempted a feat like that.  In some weird way I’ve flipped things around to where I actually prefer knowing things and NOT talking about them to other people.  As if my whole life were becoming one big, “I know somethin’ you don’t know!” smirk.  I still spend the normal amount of time pondering the complexities of the world… you know… chapped lips and chap stick and things like chemistry =)  but I’ve drawn the conclusion that nobody really cares what anyone else has to say anymore.  We don’t listen, we just wait for our turn to talk.  I’ve long been guilty of that, and it took a concerted effort to learn to sit back and listen to someone else, without placing a judgement on what they say before it comes out of their mouth.  Funny thing is, it’s becoming addictive.  I still love a good fight as much as ever, but listening to people can be so educational and, well, entertaining too.  Even the dumbest people usually have something worthwhile to offer, the question is just whether or not you can stay awake long enough to catch it. 

     Speaking of dumb people, I have a new theory.  In strongbadian tradition, I call it the Variable Idiocy Principle (VIP).  The meanness of a person is directly related to the intelligence of that person (which is also related to their Arse IQ, see http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail3.html for details).  Smart people are cruel, calculating, and manipulative.  Another word for them is “women”.  0  Okay just kidding about that part but really, smart people are the worst people to live with, the worst ones to work with or hire, and worst of all, are always better than you.  Even when they’re virtuous in some way there’s always a reason for it.  Humility draws praise, honestry draws respect, ambition, power; temperance, trust.  They also tend to be the most miserable people, and the worst complainers.  Selfish, thoughtless and rude as a rule.  Generalizations, sure, but look around and say it ain’t so.  Then there’s the other side of the coin.  Have you ever known a retard who was treacherous, evil, or hateful?  No!  Cause they’re the nicest people in the world.  They’re caring, sympathetic, will do anything to please someone they look up to.  They’re good workers, they don’t second guess, and they rarely have high requirements or expectations of those they associate with.  They don’t fight, and when they do, they’re the first ones back to apologize.  Worst of all, they survive.  I swear when this world obliterates itself in nuclear war, the world will be populated by backward imbeciles.  In fact most likely those of the toothless Arkansan baptist persuasion. 

“Duh… I dunno… I wath jutht playing with the toaster button when I noticed all the purdy fireworks.  Then I went downthtairs to watch the food channel and when I came back up the whole city was on fire and my neighbors were ash heaps on the lawn.  And I thought, ‘oh, darn, I muthta left that toaster on again'”. 

*shudders* You get the idea.  If that’s not an indictment of mankind I don’t know what is.  I guess the foolish things… confound the wise, but gee whiz!  You’d think there was a better way.    

13And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.

 14I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

 15That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.

 16I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

 17And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.

 18For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.  

~Ecclesiastes 1


Go Figure.


Anyone who hasn’t heard the new Killers’ CD, get it.  It’s In. Cred. I. Ble.  Actually I bought that along with the new Evanessence, and I have to say I’m considerably more impressed with the Killers so far.  Despite Amy Lee’s vocals being as good as ever, Evanessence really lacks some of the lyrical depth their first album resonated with.  Also, their melodies struggle to reach the same level of ingenuity displayed in Fallen, that’s to be expected on any follow up.  You were right, Derby.  Contrariwise, Killers’ Sam’s Town is a greatly original mix, dreamy enough to be written in the late 60s, but with a touch of modern cynicism.  They succeeded in breaking from the pattern in their first album, and their music matured in the process.

Oh and by the way, the Gators are 6-0 after mutilating LSU and forcing three interceptions (could have been five) from acclaimed QB Jamarcus Russel… If they can take Auburn this weekend, They’ll surely be playing Ohio State at the end of the year.  Keep it up, boys. 

If you think about it, please pray for me this Saturday.  I need wisdom beyond my age and experience in dealing with issues here in my local community… and some of you know what I mean.  The shizzlemanizzle is about to hit the fan, and I want to be in the right when it does.  I really am going to post on something meaningful soon, but I just don’t have free time right now at all.  School all week, work all weekend, and issues to settle in between.

~Peace all~